The Customer is Always Wrong

"The customer is always right" is the dumbest phrase in customer service. The customer usually isn't right because the customer doesn't know the policies of the company and therefore they have no idea what they are talking about. "The customer is a big giant baby who doesn't know left from right" is actually a more fitting phrase.

Self-Serve

At the copy center of the office supply store there was a Self-Serve area. The definition of self serve is pretty simple: DO IT YOUR GODDAMN SELF. None of the customers quite grasped this concept.

The difference between self serve and us doing it for them was the price. Self serve is always cheaper but customers didn't understand that. Customers wanted us to make the copies for them but charge them as if they did it themselves. The policy at the store was:

"You (employees) can set up the job for the customer, i.e. put the paper on the glass, load the specified paper in the tray and close the lid. But in order for the customer to be charged the self serve price, they have to press start."

It's pretty simple and it basically states that if the customer isn't color blind, all they have to do is press the green button. The employees can breast feed the customer throughout the set up but eventually the customer will have to unlatch from the tit, and press a green button.

I had a woman come into the store who needed to make one copy. She had a pretty thick french accent but seemed as if she understood English very well.

French Fried: I need zis copy made. I zee the price iz nine centz. Here you go.
Working Girl: In order for you to pay the self- serve price, you have to make the copy yourself at the self serve area.
French Fried: Vear iz zis selfa serve arvea?
Working Girl: Right over there along the wall where the four copy machines are.
French Fried: I do not know how to verk zese machinez.
Working Girl: Oh! I can help you with that.

I take her over to "ze selfa serve arevea" and show her how to set it up. She claimed she still didn't understand. I set up the job completely. I put the paper on the glass, closed the lid and showed her the green button to press.

French Fried: OK. Zen press ze button.
Working Girl: Yep. That's all you do, just press the green button.
French Fried: OK. You go ahead.
Working Girl: Oh, in order for you to pay the cheaper price you have to press it. It's all set up for you, just press the button.
French Fried: Yez. You press.
Working Girl: *sigh* I can't. You have to. Unless you don't mind paying more.
French Fried: No. You press button and I pay you nine centz.
Working Girl: No. I press button, and you pay me more than nine cents.
French Fried: I DON'T PRESS BUTTON!
Working Girl: Then you don't pay nine cents.

That's when French Fried lifted the top of the machine, took out her original and stormed out of the store. I thought that she was ridiculous and the language barrier wasn't her only problem.

The funny part about it was that there was a black guy standing at the counter waiting for me to finish up with this woman and after she stormed out and I walked over to help him, the first thing he said to me made me laugh more than the entire situation.

Brother Man: They still think we in shackles or somethin'!

Towel Service

This was of course another lovely guest at the hotel. Similar to the office supply store, the hotel had a policy:

"Employees cannot enter the room of a guest when the guest is in the room. The only employees allowed to do so are the housekeeping staff on very few circumstances. Front Desk Agents are to be behind the front desk at all times."

This policy is flexible. We've had to go to/enter plenty of rooms when the guest is in, but for our safety, we definitely aren't supposed to. It really just takes a guest to ask nicely. We are happy to do for guests when they treat us like human beings.

I had a guy who came in and immediately went upstairs to his room. He called down to the front desk a few minutes later.

Baby Dick: I chose not to get service today but I don't have any towels. I'm about to take a shower and I need them.
Working Girl: No problem. I can get you as many towels as you need. You just have to pick them up at the front desk.
Baby Dick: No. You need to bring them to me.
Working Girl: I'm sorry sir. By policy I cannot leave the front desk and there is no one else on staff to bring you towels. The only option is for you to come down to front desk to get them.
Baby Dick: I can't come down to the front desk.  I am completely naked.
Working Girl: Then I definitely cannot go up to the room.

*hangs up in my face*

No more than 20 seconds later this guy is down at the front desk. Not only is he not naked, he is wearing a shirt, shorts, and shoes. Either he is the fastest dresser in the world or he never was naked and he was just being a baby and a dick at the same time.

I hand him the towels.

Baby Dick: You know this isn't the service I am paying for.

Side Note: He was staying in a "limited service" hotel (meaning we don't have room service and housekeeping around the clock), that is the EXACT service he was paying for.

Working Girl: Okay.
Baby Dick: IT IS NOT OKAY!

He then walked off and I didn't see him again.

Could I have brought him the towels? Yes.
Would I if he had asked nicely? Yes.
Am I supposed to? No.

Front Desk Agents aren't allowed to leave the front desk. There should be someone behind the desk at all times. I shouldn't have to explain this to any guest. If someone came to check in and no one was standing there, they would be pissed and I would lose my job. This guy trying to turn me into a lesbian by showing me his unimpressive junk is not worth losing my job over.