Thursday, May 30, 2013

Model Good Looks

Let's face it, some people are better looking than others. Some people say "Everyone is beautiful in their own way" but that's a crock of shit. Realistically there are some extremely good looking people whose appearance makes you double take. This post is dedicated to them.

Australian Seaman

There was a group of Australians working on a boat staying at the hotel when I first started working there. The men in this group were beautiful. It was like a damn swimsuit calendar every single time more than 4 of them would come downstairs. Specifically there was one Aussie who was tall, broad shouldered and brunette. I was convinced his abs were painted on his body, they were perfect. His girlfriend was actually a part of the crew as well, her purpose is something that still confuses me. She was really dim, and thin enough to where you know her job description did not involve heavy lifting. Me, nor my drooling co-workers, could figure out what he saw in her when we were alive and breathing (we were just a little delusional.)

The epitome of their hotness came during one of my first single shifts. I was sitting behind the front desk on my laptop when I hear quite the ruckus. It was all of the shipmates getting off of the elevator and turning the corner dressed up in 'jungle gear.' What I mean by 'jungle gear' is a loincloth and apparently Afro wigs (which I didn't realize were so big in the jungle.) All the guys were only wearing thin pieces of cloth to cover up their goodies and it was quite the sight to see. They dressed up for their boss's birthday and graced the streets of my tiny town with that beauty.

Black Men's Magazine

In plenty of magazines geared towards black men there is an ongoing theme: Bitches. Not bitches as in a behavior or attitude, but women who model with their big asses in a thong covered in baby oil.  I had one of those girls get some copies made at the office supply store. She was a beautiful girl with a body you either want or envy. She had her first spread (no pun intended) in a magazine and she was so proud of it that she wanted copies made to send to her family. Even though I questioned her family dynamic, I made the copies and she went on her way. There were a few copies that came out too dark and she left them behind. A few of my young male coworkers saw the pictures and started freaking out. They fell in love with a picture and made copies of the copy to take home and do ungodly things to. They became dogs in the fullest sense, woofing, barking, drooling, scratching and licking. It was disgusting. But if she can make two semi-civilized men react that way, then more power to her.

Chef You're Yummy

Very recently at the hotel there was a career fair being held. There was a huge turnout of people and one caught my eye. He came in pretty early in the morning wearing jeans, a hoodie and had headphones in his ear. He took them out, smiled at me and asked me where the career fair was being held. I responded, he smiled and walked down the hallway taking my heart with him. I had a few thoughts:

"DAAAAAAAAMN! He's good looking. But there's no way he's going to get a job wearing jeans and a hoodie."

He didn't need to get a job. He was a hiring manager/head chef for the restaurant holding the career fair. It was an amazing two days that we spent together in my head. In all reality we probably spoke five sentences to one another and smiled a handful of times back and forth. I want to say at some point he gave me 'the eye' and I gave it right back to him...but then again that could all be in my head. Either way he was beautiful and he knew it. He walked and smiled with a confidence that only the beautiful people possessed. He can cook for me anytime (originally that last sentence was way dirtier and involved the word 'meat.')

Saturday, May 25, 2013

After Hours Shenanigans

There is nothing better than the end of a work day/week. When you worked at the office supply store the shenanigans would kick in.

The average age of the associates who worked at the office supply store was around 24. Where there were some 24 year olds who would have the time of their lives partying, we had the time of our lives during closing. The closing shift was the fun shift. It was the shift in which you would have the younger managers and all of the young employees goofing off. We all worked hard and got the job done but we had fun in the process. This was the difference between working hours and closing.

#1 Music

I know all the words to Dionne Farris' 1997 hit single Hopeless, otherwise known as the "penny with a hole in it" song. This is not by choice. Good song but not the way I choose to groove. This song was one of many on constant repeat at the store. When the doors locked, the music changed. J.B. would blast a mix of death metal and country when he was the closing manager. Chen Doll would encourage us to listen to our various mp3 players because she would do the same. I loved the 90's but sometimes it was refreshing to listen to the songs of the current century.

#2 Language

We were all very professional and courteous to each and every customer that walked through that door between the hours of 8am to 9pm, but at 9:01pm there wasn't a sentence said without the usage of profanity. "This stinky ass customer earlier...," "this dumbass wanted to exchange...," "...and she was a total bitch!," these were just a few of the everyday closing statements. I personally don't trust adults who don't curse so I was happy to be there with my sailor-mouthed coworkers.

#3 Work

Things were more relaxed after closing. We all were tired but something about not having to deal with customers rejuvenated us. We worked faster and harder than we did in the previous hours of our shift because we were having fun. We were able to get things done at our pace, listening to what we wanted to and speaking the way we wanted to...all while getting paid to do so.  This was the only similarity between myself and the graveyard shifters, being able to block out everything and everyone and do your own thing can really motivate you to do your job better.

#4 Fun

The three previous categories all made closing fun, but having actual fun made closing the best shift to have. Carts became racing toys, the furniture pad became a baseball field, and hand baskets became basketball hoops. We found a way to make closing a party, the store an arcade and the world our oyster. Unfortunately not every closing shift was fun, sometimes we had Curly Sue or another older manager but for the most part Chen Doll and J.B. were our closers. Chen Doll was aware of what we did and she couldn't care less if the work was done and done correctly. J.B. was too busy banging a newbie in the cash office to even slightly acknowledge us. All in all, working till 9:30pm wasn't that bad. I didn't mind missing my friend's parties because we were always having a party of our own.

Friday, May 17, 2013

That Dumbass McDonald's Commercial

There is a fairly new McDonald's commercial in which a guest staying at a hotel calls down to the concierge in the morning and asks for McDonald's coffee. When the concierge is trying to explain that a five star hotel doesn't serve McDonald's coffee, the guest says "Well the front desk said 'anything we can do to make your morning better.'"

*sigh* My issue with this commercial is that PEOPLE REALLY DO EXPECT THIS TREATMENT. They expect the person at the front desk to bend over backwards for them and they don't even say thank you because they honestly think it is expected. I have a few stories about the guests like the douche in the McDonald's commercial.

Extra Romance

I was working one afternoon and I got a phone call from a girl who booked a romance package for her and her husband's wedding anniversary.

Extra: Hey I booked a romance package for tonight. My name is [NAME]. I had a question about it.
Working Girl: Yes?
Extra: Can I get a dozen red rose petals on the floor that lead onto the bed and another dozen in a vase on the table.
Working Girl: Are you going to bring that stuff for us to do that?
Extra: No, you guys don't have that?
Working Girl: We're mostly a business hotel, we don't get a lot of requests for that so no, we don't just keep bouquets of roses around.
Extra: Oh, that's weird.

I don't block people from getting any but I definitely don't help you get any. I don't want to have any hand in the story that housekeeping will tell about you tomorrow. I can only imagine one of the housekeepers coming down and saying "I just spent a half an hour cleaning up rose petals and semen."

The Rider

Just in case you're unaware, a rider is a list of celebrity demands. It's the shit that Adele needs to sing like an angel, that the Backstreet Boys need to be amazing and what Kanye needs to be able ramble about absolutely nothing. Apparently it's also the thing that cheap guests need in order to spend less than 12 hours in a hotel.

This happened just the other day, my front desk agent, Tooch, answered the phone to what started off as a normal conversation with a guest, then it turned Hollywood rather quickly.

Rider: Oh my god I'm not gonna be able to check in till like 6pm.
Tooch: That's okay. Check in time is 3pm but you don't HAVE TO check in at that time.
Rider: Okay good. I'm so tired. Can I get a bottle of San Pellegrino and Coconut Water in my room?
Tooch: You can have someone you know bring you a bottle of San Pellegrino and Coconut Water and leave it at the front desk for you. We can give it to you when you check in.
Rider: Oh my god, really? So you don't do that.
Tooch: We wouldn't even have a way to do that.

The best part about this is that she copped an attitude about it. Does that normally happen whenever you stay somewhere other than your house? Do the dudes who you go home with at the end of the night just keep bottles of disgusting mineral water around for you? No? Then don't expect us to.

My issue with this is that these people think it's normal to ask for not normal things. If you're not sure whether or not a hotel provides these things, it probably doesn't. Hotels are pretty much an open book about what services they provide. Would you go into target and ask for an Egg McMuffin and when the sales clerk says "We don't have that," you wouldn't respond with "well what about expect more, pay less?"

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Tani Gold: Her Last Days

I walked into work on a Friday afternoon. As soon as I get there, Condii, tells me the news with a big smile on her face.

Condii: Tani got fired today.
Working Girl: WHAT!?
Condii: Yup. Sandy did it this morning.

The Story

It had gotten to a point where Tani had made herself public enemy number one. She hated the manager, she hated the front desk and she hated the housekeeping staff. There was really no reason as to why Tani was still working there. She could not have been happy and she was making everyone else miserable.

Apparently what started it all was a phone conversation. Condii and the Housekeeping Manager, Little Jalapeno, were talking. Both of them are loud, Latina women and they were in the middle of discussing something when the phone rang. Tani answered and began helping the guest make a reservation. She was having a hard time hearing the guest due to Condii and Little Jalapenos conversation, so instead of asking them to keep it down a bit she decided to go with a different approach.

Tani: SHUT UP!

She yelled at them. Little Jalapeno did not take that well. She immediately snapped back at Tani and it became somewhat of a heated argument until Condii stepped in.

Condii informed the owner, Sandy, about the incident and he finally had enough. Sandy was already sitting on the fence about Tani and her bullshit. Like I've said before, Tani was a good employee. She was the most annoying human being on the planet but guests seemed to like her and she'd get her shit done. She really didn't have to like us, but she did have to respect us as human beings. It had gotten to a point where she wasn't being respectful and therefore, she wasn't needed any longer.

On that Friday morning Sandy called Tani into the hotel. She refused to come in. She said she had something better to do. Maybe she had a hint of the inevitable but either way, her refusal to come in did not sit well with the owner.

Sandy: Okay, fine. You don't have to come in. But this call is to inform you that you've been terminated.

I was told that she immediately started crying and pleading on the phone in hopes to keep her job. It didn't work.

About an hour or so later, Tani came into the hotel to beg, plead, and cry in person. Again, it did not help. She sat in the lobby crying for quite some time after that and finally realized that this was no joke, she was fired.

Then we all danced and sang along to "The Wicked Witch is Dead."

It was quite the weight lifted off of our shoulders. We no longer had to worry about someone trying to get us fired or tell us how to do our jobs.

In the month before she got fired she had done a number of things that made it extremely difficult to work with her.

1. She wrote notes in the log book telling us how to do our jobs.
2. She told Condii that NONE of us knew how to do our jobs.
3. She threatened other Front Desk agents job security.
4. She physically threatened me in a fight.
5. She stormed out on multiple meetings with management.
6. And worst of all: SHE WAS A DISRESPECTFUL BITCH.

No matter how anyone feels about these Tani Gold posts, you will never understand until you've worked with her. We never got to see her outside of work, she could've been extremely nice and fun but she walked through those doors and she was hell on heels. I know I come off as a 'hater' or a 'bitch' but who gives a shit about those opinions (I don't). These stories about Tani are true and everyone, myself included, couldn't have been happier with her being gone.

Unfortunately, that was not the last of Tani Gold. There was still just one more face to face encounter we had.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Third Party Reservations

I believe I mentioned in a previous post that there are things called "Third Party Reservations." These are websites like Expedia and Travelocity in which you don't book with the hotel directly, but you book through the third party to book the hotel. They are stupid. I would suggest to NEVER use these booking agents. There's a possibility that nothing will go wrong and you will stay and leave like every other guest but if you use it enough, you will get screwed. I have plenty of stories where people have gotten screwed.

Here are a few things you need to know about these booking agents:
1. They take your money immediately.
2. You cannot cancel.
3. When you try to cancel, they will charge you a fee to do so.
4. No changes can be made to these reservations.
5. The hotel cannot see your credit card, the third party provides a "ghost card" that belongs to them and not you.

All of the following people have had issues with at least one of the above points.

Girls Weekend

It was summer. The time you take to go on vacation with the kids, or in this case WITHOUT the kids. The hotel was almost sold out. I had only one room left. These women came in looking to check in.

Working Girl: Last Name?
Woman: [Last Name]
Working Girl: Hmmm... I don't have you in my system. When did you make this reservation?
Woman: Months ago.

I did some checking for arrivals on not just that day but future dates. She was not arriving at the hotel at all but she was sure she was at the right hotel. I dug a little deeper and found that her reservation had been cancelled.

Woman: What? How can that be? I didn't cancel it.
Working Girl: The booking site cancelled it.

She picked up her cell phone immediately and called the booking agent. She found out that because she originally made the reservation for 2 adults when she changed it to add her other friend, they cancelled the reservation. They also informed her that her money was gone and she was not getting it back. She ended up getting the last room I had available therefore paying the booking agent and also paying us directly. She was pissed but it wasn't at me so I really didn't care.

The Architect

The hardest part about dealing with third party reservations is having to explain to people why there's nothing they can do about it. I was on the phone with a guy who needed to cancel his reservation made through Expedia. We told him he had to cancel with them. He called them and they called us asking us to cancel it. The problem is, we can't. The only people with access to cancelling a third party reservation is that third party, and they know it. So they will call us, ask us to cancel, we say no (because it is not possible to do so), then they tell the guest the hotel refuses to cancel it so that the guest will call us SCREAMING.

I had to explain this game to a guy who was trying to cancel his reservation. He was so upset that he was babbling the most nonsensical bullshit.

Man: Are you saying they are stealing my money?
Working Girl: Um, no. I'm saying that they know we can't cancel it but they ask us to do it anyway. The only way to cancel is through them.
Man: But I don't want you to charge me.
Working Girl: I have no way of charging you. They have your credit card number. We do not.
Man: This is ridiculous. They can't do this. They steal people's money. I am a leading architect at Facebook and I will tell everyone.
Working Girl: You're an architect where?
Man: At Facebook. Social Media is a hell of a thing and I will boycott them.

Then he hung up.

He is a leading architect at Facebook? What does that even mean? He didn't sound smart enough to know how to turn on a computer let alone develop software and be the "leading architect" at one of the biggest social media outlets in recent years.

Too Many Reservations

Recently my front desk agent was trying to check in a woman who made her reservation through a third party. When she came to check in her reservation wasn't there because she had JUST made it. She neglected to tell the FDA this point so instead she went online and made a new reservation. The problem is, the room type was not available for the entire week of her stay, so she made a new reservation for each day of the week. All of her reservations finally came in together...including the original reservation. She had six reservations. She only needed one.

The problem here is that she can't cancel same day reservations, nor can she cancel any reservation that has a check in date within 48 hours. The FDA advised her to cancel the reservations furthest away first but she was too tired to do so and tried the next day. At the end of it all she payed for 4 out of 6 of the reservations she had. She ended up paying over $900 for a $500 stay.

If you have the time to go online and book a reservation through a third party, you have time to make a reservation through the hotel directly. Don't let the commercials that say you can save over 50% fool you, you don't save that much money (the hotel chooses the discount, not the third party) and it will probably end up costing you more.

Friday, May 3, 2013

The Psychic

I was at work when a guy walks in to get a room. The hotel was sold out so he asked me to call up another hotel. While I was trying to find him another hotel he starts talking to me.

Creepy: I'm a psychic you know.
Working Girl: Cool.

I find him a hotel. When I ask the front desk agent at the other hotel to hold a room for him she asks me for his name.

Working Girl: Sir, what's your name?
Creeper: The Psychic.
Working Girl (to the girl on the phone): Um... the psychic?
Girl: Well okay, ya know what just tell him to walk in.

After I hang up, he calls his friend to come pick him up and take him to the other hotel. He is sitting in the lobby waiting for his friend while I'm minding my own damn business.

Creeper: You don't believe I'm a psychic.
Working Girl: I don't mean to be rude but I have a hard time believing anything that any of the people who come in here say.

There was a silence for nearly one minute.

Creeper: Your parents are divorced.
Working Girl: Yes.
Creeper: I know. They divorced when you were young, about 5?
Working Girl: Yes.

This may seem like a red flag but since half of all marriages end in divorce that wasn't his psychic powers, that was just taking a shot in the dark.  But then it got creepy.

Creeper: Your dad doesn't live here. He lives out of the state. Nevada.
Working Girl: Yes.
Creeper: You don't talk to him.
Working Girl: No, I don't.
Creeper: But you can if you want to. You just choose not to.
Working Girl: Uh-huh...

Creeper: You just broke up with your boyfriend. He was a bad, bad man. A disgusting human being. Really not a nice guy.
Working Girl: PREACH!
Creeper: What?
Working Girl: I mean, yeah.
Creeper: But the guy you've just started dating, you like him a lot.
Working Girl: Yeah.
Creeper: You're going to be with him for a long time but it won't work out. You're going to marry a guy from Atlanta.

At this point his friend comes to pick him up. He approaches me before he walks out the door.

Creeper: I hope you believe me now. Thanks for all your help.

Then he left. Everyone I've told this story to IMMEDIATELY freaks out... because he was right. Everything he said was dead on. My father lives in Nevada, my parents divorced when I was five and my ex-boyfriend was a piece of shit (though you don't need to be a psychic to know that.)



I've had plenty of friends who paid money to see a psychic only to get general and vague answers. I didn't even ask for this. All I wanted to do was my 8 hours and go home. Instead, I got a look into my future from a creepy guy who wasn't even staying at the hotel.