I don't know what I thought happened in a hotel before I worked there. I had no idea. One of my best friends worked there long before I did but she neglected to tell me how many of the guests come in to bang.
This isn't a post about banging, I've done one of those already and though there will DEFINITELY be another, this is a little similar to my favorite guests. A lot of the nicest guests I've had are men (obviously) but these men came in for one thing and one thing only.
The first 2 1/2 years of me working at the hotel, I worked Friday and Saturday night. Those are the "party" nights, the "one night stand" nights, but mostly at the hotel they were the "my male guests told their wives they had to work late so that they could come to the Bay and bang their bitches" nights.
You can always tell when a guest is here to get down with the get down:
1. Cash Payment -- You could tell them rooms cost $300, they will pay for it in cash.
2. NO Credit card on file-- There will be no paper trail. Not only do they pay for the room in cash, they put down extra for incidentals without blinking.
3. Fast-- Check them in as quickly as possible. You may engage in some conversation with them but remember that they are basically 15 year old boys trying to rub up against anything that will let them.
4. Alone-- All the guys I've checked in ALWAYS check in alone. I don't actually know why. Maybe they need a break from scraping their skin off with the zipper on their jeans but they ALWAYS check in alone.
5. Locals Only-- They live in the area, no more than 45 minutes away. It doesn't make sense that they spend that much money to sleep when they have a bed 15 minutes away, unless the person sleeping with them in their bed at home isn't the same person sleeping with them in their hotel room.
Either way, these guys are really nice. Really good people aside from, ya know, the cheating thing.
Mr. Barbara Streisand
His name has nothing to do with who he is or how he looked; he just had a pretty famous last name. He was my first experience with adultery. He was at the hotel frequently, every other week I believe. He would check in, alone, and then go up to the room, alone. This confused me until I saw him sneak a girl in through the back door of the hotel. Maybe he wasn't the only one with a famous name. I never saw her face but they developed a nice routine. He wined and dined her at the Mexican restaurant across the street and then he came to get a room. That was always the last I saw of him. From my knowledge he never actually checked out, he just left.
Mr. NBA
He isn't in the NBA but he fit the stereotype: tall, dark, handsome, muscular, and mistress was not of his same race. I like him because he just didn't give a shit. He was a cheater but he was honest. He always told me why he was there. He lived by the same 5 Get-Down rules but he definitely wasn't shy about it.
Once when I told him to "have a good night" he looked his mistress up and down, turned to me, and said "Oh it's about to be a GREAT night."
One Friday it was his birthday and after he snuck in the mistress, she came storming down about an hour later. He came down after her, came up to me and said "Ya know, it's not always just about the physical. I just want to talk." WHAT!? How is it NOT about the physical? I'd be pretty pissed if I was her too! If I wanted to talk I'd be at home with my husband and children, not in a hotel room with your ass.
The very next night he came in again, then when he brought in the mistress it was a new girl. Not the same girl he brought in time and time again. As he held her hand and walked by the front desk he said "I've got me a new friend."
Now I'm um happy (?) to report that Mr. NBA and his mistress are getting married. WHAT. THE. F..!
Mr. Freak-Fest
Same shit, different guy. He and his mistress were much more secretive. Neither of them spoke much English and their routine was as follows:
He would come in. He would get a room. He would gesture to her from the lobby. He would proceed to go upstairs. She came in with MOUNTAINS of food. They would use the room for about 4 hours. He would come down and drop off the keys. She would come down looking completely disheveled.
This happened once a month.
None of us knew what went on in the room aside from sex but we made up this story in our heads:
He was a man of few words because it was part of the game they played. She was a dominatrix and he was her slave with a food fetish. She would beat the dog shit out of him while forcing him to eat out a dog bowl. Finally they would have gross, sticky, disgusting sex and then clean up and ship out.
We don't know if this was true. But it's much more entertaining than eating then banging like it's the Hulk Hogan sex tape.
"I can't believe I just ate 10 minutes ago. I feel like a pig"
Mr. Surprise- Surprise
This guy, again, was no different than the others. He was there frequently and did everything they did. He was a surprise though because not only did he ALWAYS tip the front desk, he was ALWAYS wearing that chick out. She came down looking a hot mess. They were the only couple that stayed the entire night and she would come out of that room looking as if she had no idea where she was, who she was or how she got there. He had a smirk on his face that said "Yeah. I did that."
He was a skinny chain smoker who could barely complete a sentence without coughing heavily. Apparently you shouldn't judge a book by its cover or a Sex God by his smoker's cough.
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