New Hires

There is pretty much no one more insignificant than new hires. Outside of them just generally getting in the way, you have the power to influence them. You are God because you've worked at your job a minute longer than they have. Do you know the power that God has? God can make or break you. At the office supply store I broke new hires, when I started working at the hotel, they tried to break me. Big Mistake.

Alaina

You already know that Alaina was a cheatin' bitch and sometimes lesbian but she was also a new hire. She was in high school and had all the same intelligence of any high school student. It was rather limited. What she lacked in book smarts, she made up for in vagina smarts. She used that thing like it was a light switch; she could turn it on and off when she wanted to. Alaina wasn't too much of a suck up (though we can all conclude that she was suckin' something) she just knew how to get what she wanted. I can't lie, it was fascinating to watch. It went from getting rides home from coworkers to selling meaningless insurance to customers. She rocked giant boobs and a flirtatious smile that none of the other girls could. She didn't have the cards dealt her way being a new hire and in high school but somehow she always ended up with a full house.

New Shit

Working Girl: I need a furniture pull on item #67591, a computer chair.
Manager: Lane can help you with that, Working Girl
Working Girl: Who the hell is Lane?
Lane: Hi, I'm Lane.
Working Girl: No one cares

That was my initial meeting with Lane. The first thing I told him was that "no one cares" in regards to him being a human being. What. A. Bitch (me, not him). After working with Lane for a few weeks, his name graduated from "No one cares" to "New Shit." I only referred to him as New Shit. It sounds awful but he laughed it off. He actually became one of my favorite people working at the store. We became good friends and had weekly lunches together. I love Lane. He was absolutely hilarious but it was obvious that though he tried to make the best of a situation, he was unhappy. After nearly a year, Lane moved out of state and basically dropped off the face of the earth. It's too bad. He was one of the only new hires that didn't bang anyone or wasn't an idiot. I hope all is well with him.

The Creature from the Blackest Lagoon

No, not Tani Gold. Black Shrek. Black Shrek was not only a new hire but about three months into him working at the office supply store, he became my boyfriend of eight months. Black Shrek was an awful person on both a personal level and a work level. Aside from my hatred of him and his consistent stalking of me, my opinion of him for this piece will be based on him as a coworker. Originally Black Shrek was really an ass kiss. He was hired by Mr. Budweiser and was constantly doing anything he told him to do. At the first store meeting with the new hires present, he was raising his hand to both answer and ask questions. He was just that annoying kid who would remind the teacher to assign homework for the weekend when it is Friday at 2:55pm. You wanted to punch him in the face. Later on, his excitement changed. He started to talk back, get malicious and try to embarrass his coworkers. He thought he was funny but he was really just an awful human being. I understand that when you are hired at a job you have to show that you want it and that the right person was picked, but don't turn into the opposite of that. The worst part is, he was too old to be doing any of the shit he did. He began to be combative, rude, late and just everything you wouldn't want in an employee (or a boyfriend). He eventually got fired for one of those things and just a few short weeks later he got dumped by yours truly.

Side Note: You may be wondering why I chose to date such an animal; well here is your answer:

I was fat. I was really fat, and very insecure. I was 19 at the time and due to my insecurities and waistline, I never had a boyfriend before. He asked me out. He was not my type even slightly. I respected the fact that he had the balls to ask out someone who not only was mean to him but mean to everyone. I continued to date him for eight months for another reason:

I was stupid. I had this idea in my head that 1.) I was going to change him and 2.) After not dating anyone ever, I didn't want my first ever relationship to fail in such a short amount of time. In high school I literally despised my friends for dating someone for 2-3 weeks and breaking up. I wanted a healthy, adult relationship. I was just missing the healthy adult on the other end. 

Working Girl: Hotel New Hire

Working in a hotel is a dream job for a college student. There is a lot of downtime, that way homework and things like that can get done while you're getting paid. No one really quit working at the hotel so when I came in, everyone who had worked there had been there for at least two years. The girl I was replacing had been there for a long time and she grew a bond with many of the other front desk agents (except Tani, nobody likes that bitch). I knew that it would be hard to crack the shell but I had gotten the job from one of my best friends and for the most part I am a pretty good person. I was not prepared for what was to come next.

The other girls liked to play a game called "Blame the New Girl," though none of them would ever admit to it now (because I'm either their friend or their boss) they all, for the most part, participated. I was getting blamed for things that were either minor but were escalated by them to the owner or for things that in no way shape or form could be traced back to me but yet the blame was still being put on me. I didn't expect that. I was once asked about something that happened during a time that I wasn't even working. Little shit like that. I never got in trouble because it was never a big enough deal, but the fact that I was even being blamed was shocking to me. I was mean to the new hires at the office supply store but these girls at the hotel were ruthless. I couldn't win. I guess in that sense Karma is a bitch and she works at the hotel. Things got better because I stopped just nodding my head; I had to say "this is not my fault" in order for them to actually understand that fact. Though I'm over it now and we are all pretty tight currently, I can't help but think about how that game kept me from getting to know my coworkers better and putting a strain on my relationship with one of my best friends. I felt like no one was looking out for me, therefore I did.

Being a new hire sucks, no matter what the job. Adapting to anything new will always take time but it depends on how you deal with it. You could either:

Stand up for yourself
Make the best of a situation
Be a miserable creature
Or use your vagina to get you places  (I guess that leaves out the dudes on this one)