Brand New

If there is ever one thing that seems to be a constant in the world of customer service is the fact that there is always a customer who either truly is or acts as if they are brand new to the situation. What I mean by this is, they come in and are immediately confused. They don't know what's going on, what this place is or how they got there. They are a brand new baby in the world of office supplies and vacation lodging.

This was inspired by a recent trip to Panera Bread. I patron Panera bread all the time and if you have never been there let me break it down to you: It is a restaurant/cafe. The menu is in front of your face hanging on the wall and they have very basic choices: sandwich, soup, salad and bread. This guy went to Panera to order a breakfast sandwich and this was the exchange he had with the the employee:

Guy: I want a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich
Employee: Okay, would you like that on Ciabatta?
Guy: What's that?
Employee: It is a type of bread.
Guy: I don't want to eat anything if I don't know what it is.
Employee: Okay that's fine. I can put it on anything. Maybe on a bagel if you want?
Guy: What's a bagel?

I could see the frustration on this poor woman's face but she couldn't just throw her hands up and say "ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" I felt her pain. It has happened to me way too many times at work. It's almost a weekly thing but again, some are more memorable than the others.

Customer Service

The copy center had its own section with a counter. Above that section was the name of the copy center. People always mistook the copy center for customer service but when you would explain that fact to them they would catch an attitude.

Woman: Hi, I'd like to return this.
Working Girl: No problem. You just have to take that over to customer service.
Woman: Yeah I know, that's why I'm here.
Working Girl: Oh! This isn't customer service. It's the copy center. Customer service is right over there.
Woman: This looks like customer service.
Working Girl: We get that a lot because of the counter and the large space behind here, but this is the copy center.
Woman: I need to return this item and I know I'm at customer service.
Working Girl: Only customer service computers have the technology for returns. If I could I would but I can't. You have to walk over to customer service.
 
The lady picks up her merchandise than says to me before she walks out of the door:

"I don't know why you call it customer service if you aren't going to service your customers!"

But....Why?

The idea of being absolutely clueless is perfected by hotel guests. If I had a dollar for every guest that stood by the door of the Spa and asked me "Where's the spa?" I would have 8 million dollars. They are obviously old enough to get a hotel room but yet upon check in they revert to infants who just don't understand.

Confirmation Situation

Guest: Hi, I'd like to check in.
Working Girl: Sure. What's your last name?
Guest: 7-6-9-3-6-1-4-9-0...
Working Girl: Oh, no. I need your last name.
Guest: That's my confirmation number.
Working Girl: I figured that out. But I need your last name.
Guest: Oh...

Side Note: Don't wave your confirmation number in our faces, don't yell out the number to us, don't call and after I say "How may I help you?" you start spitting out numbers as if I was ready to type them in the first damn place. If you're not completely brain dead and have some sort of idea what your last name is, that's all I need. There is no need to scream numbers at me or tell me the company you're with. Just the fact that you happen to know your own name will suffice.

Credit Card Roulette

This is the biggest problem I have with guests. They think they can pay for something without showing a form of payment. I understand there are scary things such as identity theft and people with a photographic memory but I need to see your credit card. Don't tell me "Well I made this reservation online." because at that point I have to make you look stupid and teach you how financial consumerism works. You don't walk into a store to purchase something and when they ask for payment you say "Why?" you just give them paper or plastic. Think of a hotel as a store. We may not provide you nutrition but we can decide whether or not your ass sleeps outside.

Dumb Guest: Hi, I'd like to check in.
Working Girl: Okay. Your last name?
Dumb Guest: Last Name.
Working Girl: Alright. I just need to see your credit card and ID.
Dumb Guest: Why do you need to see my credit card?
Working Girl: So that you can pay for your hotel room.
Dumb Guest: Well I called the reservation line to make it.
Working Girl: That's nice. Did they charge you already?
Dumb Guest: No.
Working Girl: Well then I need to do so by using your credit card.
Dumb Guest: Oh...

These moments and the millions of others led me to feel what that Panera Bread employee felt: The disappointment in not being able to shake some sense into the person in front of you.