Smokers

 According to a 2010 poll by the Center for Disease Control, nearly 20% of adults in the United States smoke. This only includes people who smoke cigarettes and people who were over the age of 18 at the time, the number has probably increased. I have nothing against people who smoke, I personally do not smoke and I never have, my problem is smokers who lie about smoking but yet cannot control themselves to not smoke.

The hotel is non-smoking which means don't smoke in the hotel. People choose to ignore that and when they get charged for smoking they put up a front as if they've never even heard of the concept of smoking.

Europeans Smoke

I have a lot of friends from Europe and the one thing I've noticed about them is that 65% of them smoke or have smoked before. I had a European woman come and tell me that she didn't smoke in the room.

Euro: I have a charge on my card for 100 dollars. What for?
Working Girl: It's a smoking charge because you smoked in the room.
Euro: Nooooooooo. I do not smoke. We do not smoke. Never in my life have I smoked.

She is saying all of this to me while she smells like a freshly lit cigarette. The smoke was coming out of her pores it was that strong.

Evidence

People who smoke cigarettes and lie to me are better at weaseling their way out of the situation because they aren't under the influence of anything. Potheads...they just don't get it.

I had a couple who I sold a Romance Package to and they went in the room, got down with get down and smoked weed. The next day they came to the front desk saying that they don't smoke. My front desk agent was so enraged by their lie that she went to their room and came back to the front desk to show them the marijuana that they left in the room.

FDA: What is that?
Woman: I don't know what that is.
FDA: It's the weed you smoked in the room. You left it there.
Woman: Are you kidding me? There's no way that we left that because we don't smoke weed.

Now this is when the story gets funny. The girl apparently sobered up enough to argue the charge but then her man, who was high as a kite, decided to help her in the argument by spouting off information that really only a pothead could think of.

Homeboy: Miss there's no way that's marijuana, I don't smoke marijuana. I can't smoke marijuana because I'm diabetic. I can show you my papers.
Working Girl: Papers?
Homeboy: Yeah, papers about my diabetes. They say I can't smoke marijuana. So that weed smell in the room can't be because I smoked weed because I am diabetic.

That's when she grabbed homeboy's hand and said "let's go."

History

There was a girl who I went to high school with and she smoked in the room. She was charged, called the hotel and fought the charge claiming to not smoke. Ever. I knew she smoked because I'VE SEEN HER SMOKE BEFORE. She was one of the biggest potheads in my high school and for her to tell me that she's never smoked anything in her life enraged me. I just wanted to scream that I knew who she was, what she did and that she is in fact a smoker. The only thing I didn't know about her was that she was now a big giant lesbian but I was 100% sure that she smoked in the room. It took every bit of strength in me to not say "Bitch, forreal!?" and tell her that I knew her but instead she continued to argue with me about never having smoked a thing in her life. I believed her when she said she had a girlfriend but not when she said she didn't smoke. No Ma'am.

Excuses

Here's a little lesson: if you do smoke in a non-smoking hotel, just admit to it. Your charge will be decreased, but if you take time out of my day to argue that you didn't do something that you in fact did, I will not hesitate to charge you the full $250 dollar smoking fee.

I spoke to a guy on the phone yesterday who admitted to smoking. He was too busy talking to let me tell him that because of his confession, he would only be charged $50.

Pothead: Yes Ma'am I really am sorry that I smoked in the room, I didn't know. See it was really late when I checked in and I was fatigued, I didn't know this was a non smoking hotel.
Working Girl: You know when you check in you sign a piece of paper that says we are allowed to charge you $250 for smoking, right?
Pothead: I'm sure I did but like I said I was fatigued and I really didn't see any signs or paperwork. Plus it was just a little bit of weed, it's not like you have to remodel or nothin'. I feel like as a guest I'm not being treated right. I feel it should be let go because I was unaware. It's a real inconvenience to me I feel, and it's also kind of a set up because I wasn't told that and also it's racist.

I immediately started laughing. It's racist? Against smokers? It's a set up? Do we put weed and lighters in the non-smoking rooms? Due to the fact that he admitted it I was already going to only charge him $50 but at least he gave me something to laugh about and another story to tell.