Insurance

At the office supply store we had this insurance package. Any electronic or furniture item qualified for one of the insurance packages. From what I remember, there were different packages depending on the price of the item. We were told to push those damn things like heroin. Supposedly there was something in it for us but I never reaped the benefits.

The reason why I never reaped the benefits is because I knew nothing about it. I can't sell something I know nothing about. I sold copies, you can't sell insurance on copies so therefore I chose to learn absolutely nothing about it. Mr. Budweiser was really on my case about it, as he was for most things. He would have the front cashier take a tally of who sold what and if we were meeting the day's sales goal. Every. Single. Hour. Anyone who didn't sign up someone for the rewards program or sell insurance was confronted by Mr. Budweiser. I was always one of those people. There was no need for him to confront me because every time he spoke to me I heard the Charlie Brown teacher voice: WOMP WOMP WOMP WOMP WOMP!

I sold insurance three times during my office supply store career, twice at the store under Mr. Budweiser and once at the other store.

First Time Surprise

I hated helping the floor ring people up because they never helped us with it. They'd get upset if one of our customers came to them but yet we were supposed to put a smile on our face to help them. I NEVER HELPED THEM. The only time I did was when one of my too eager copy center coworkers said "Of course we'll help" before I got the chance to say "Not in a million years."

This was one of those occasions. I was ringing up a woman who needed a desk chair. I called one of the guys to pull the chair for me while I finished the transaction.

Working Girl: Would you like to purchase insurance on this item?
Woman: What's that?

Then I panicked

Working Girl: Well...um.. it's for coverage of the item. Like if something is broken we'll fix it or we'll give you a new one.
Woman: For free?
Working Girl: Yes. For free. (I had no clue if that was true)
Woman: That's not a bad deal. How much is it?
Working Girl: $10
Woman: Okay, I'll do that.
Working Girl: Seriously?
Woman: Yeah, why?
Working Girl: I've just never sold one before.
Woman: Well I'm glad to be your first.

Was she hitting on me? Just kidding.

I sold one, with no real knowledge of the product. I spout out whatever sounded good to me and she bought it-- LITERALLY. I was proud of myself and I was able to shut up Mr. Budweiser in the process. She was a very nice woman and I hope there wasn't a problem with the chair where she had to bring it back... because I sure as shit didn't know what I was talking about.

Strategy

I knew that if I ever wanted to sell another insurance plan again I needed to have a strategy. Alaina was selling those things like hot cakes and I had no idea why. Maybe she knew the product? But that's doubtful, she was in high school and if the information wasn't being texted to her I doubt that she read about it. Maybe she had a bunch of rich guys coming through her line? Again, doubtful, not with the way they bought the cheapest merchandise possible. There had to be a reason.

Then I got it. Boobs. Alaina had a big rack and she never buttoned the top of her shirt. I have an even bigger rack and I was about to rip off the buttons on that damn shirt. I was gonna be an insurance selling machine.

So I put on my whore-drobe and got ready to sell some insurance the only problem is, I worked at the copy center and rarely did we get people who weren't either purchasing copies or people who purchased items that weren't qualified for an insurance program. Days and then weeks went by and I almost gave up hope. Then one day a guy came to me wanting to purchase a cordless phone.

Working Girl: Would you like to buy insurance for that?
Man: For a $10 phone? Not really. Why would I?

Shit!

Working Girl: Well...um...because if it stops working or breaks you can bring it back and we'll replace it.
Man: It's not a big deal if it doesn't work, I can always spend another $10 to buy a new one.
Working Girl: But this way you get to save your $10 dollars.

After I said that, he kind of just stood there thinking. I then crossed my arms under my chest and bent over slightly onto the counter.

Man: Okay. Why not. I'll get the insurance.

I DID IT! My knowledge of the product, savvy business ethics and convincing speech...oh who are we kidding. It was the tits.