This post is all about Vicki Lawrence. She was a frequent customer at the copy center. Her thought process always intrigued me simply because it was ass backwards. She was a very nice lady but a little delusional at times.
The first thing I remember about Vicki Lawrence was her business cards. She was a private realtor, meaning that she didn't have a company backing her. She found and sold listings all on her own. It was really interesting that she was able to compete with the companies that had hundreds of realtors on their payroll.
In order to stand out from the same old realtors, she thought she had to make her business cards special. A normal business card for a realtor has their contact info, their company and a small picture of them on the right hand corner. Vicki Lawrence thought that was not enough. She of course put in all the necessary contact information but instead of a small picture, the entire background of her business card would be a picture of her sitting on what looked like a throne and draped in fur. Neither my manager nor I could understand why she wanted this. Not only did the words cover most of the picture, the picture made it hard to read the contact information.
It took a lot of patience to deal with Vicki Lawrence only because she constantly had ideas similar to that one. She would come in to get her fliers designed. There were only two people who could do design, my manager and myself. My manager didn't work weekends so it was up to me on Saturday and Sunday. She never really wanted the layout of her fliers to change but she liked really bold colors. The colors she wanted either didn't exist in the world of graphic design or they were too hard to pin point.
Vicki Lawrence: I want the background to be red, but not circus red. I like blood red. But not the blood red that you see women wear as nail polish the blood red in those bags at the hospital.
WHAT!?
One of the funniest things I found about Vicki Lawrence was her man candy. She was an older woman. She was probably in her late 50's but her makeup was always so heavy and smeared that it made her look older. Her boyfriend was probably 38 at the oldest. During their first few visits I thought he was her son but then one day she perched out her lips for a passionate (and slightly awkward) kiss from him. By the look of things you would think he was trying to get her money but he seemed like he genuinely loved her. He was a very nice guy and one of the first customers to confront Mr. Budweiser about his treatment of me and the rest of the employees. We figured there was no physical attraction from him to her but their personalities seemed to mesh well.
Vicki Lawrence will always leave a lasting impression on me because of the way she thanked people. Sometimes she was messy, and with her mess came procrastination. Often times she would come in right before she had an open house to get her fliers made and printed. She knew that because we had to drop everything we were doing just for her, we were owed something. Just like any other older woman, she would pay us off in the most random of ways. She would give my manager $3.63 gift cards to Starbucks and other stores for other crazy amounts. My biggest pay off from her was in the form of a fur coat. Though it wasn't the infamous fur coat from the business cards, it was a reversible fur coat in which one side was leather and the other was fur. Don't be jealous.
I still have the coat and therefore I still have the memories of the crazy but interesting Vicki Lawrence.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Suburban Gangster
Sometimes I interact with people at work and my thought process changes. These people don't effect my life nor do they change me as a person but they definitely make me think.
I've grown up in a small Bay Area town. People who are from the Bay Area don't know about this town. It is a very quiet and safe place where you almost beg for something interesting and newsworthy to happen. Unfortunately not all news is good news and when my town is hit with bad news, everyones world is rocked. You would think that living so close to America's third most dangerous city, the citizens of the town wouldn't blink when they hear about another senseless murder. It's different when it happens in our town, no one believes it should happen in our town.
There was a murder of a boy my age a few years ago. There are a lot of stories surrounding his death but the gist of it is that it was over a girl. I didn't know the boy personally but from my knowledge he was a white guy who was greatly influenced by Hip-Hop culture in regards to the way he spoke and dressed. He was apparently killed over an argument with a guy who was dating a girl he liked. The only thing I heard about it was summed up with a simple phrase; If you pretend to be a gangster, you'll get gangster consequences.
Because I didn't know him I wasn't really effected by it, it was definitely sad but I was still getting up to work and go to school every day. It finally became real to me during December 2008.
The copy station at the office supply store made calendars during the holiday season. It was always a big hit and a great, easy Christmas gift. Due to the fact that they were so popular we always were busy. Though business was good, organization wasn't. People were getting their calendars randomly. Some people waited 2 days and some people waited 2 weeks. My manager was really stressed out about it and most of her stress came from one customer. This woman wanted three separate calendars made and 2 copies of each calendar. She had been waiting and stressing. My manager finally finished making the calendars only to find that they were made for the wrong year. This made the customer wait even longer and made her extremely upset.
My manager got off work and I was left to fix the calendar. That same day, the customer came in. She was very nice but visibly stressed out. She had been waiting for the calendars for three weeks and therefore her family pictures, the only pictures she had, were in our hands.
Side Note: To make a calendar, we needed pictures. It's easier to make a calendar when the pictures are all digital and come on a flash drive but the best calendars are always real pictures that have to be scanned and therefore, have to be left with us. Leaving precious family mementos with strangers can be stressful for anyone.
Woman: I came to check on my calendars.
Working Girl: I am almost done. I am just binding them now.
Woman: Okay. Do you mind if I wait here?
Working Girl: Not at all.
She waits for another five minutes for me to finish up. I finish and bring the calendars and her pictures over to her. She immediately becomes emotional.
Woman (with a knot in her throat): They are beautiful. Thank you so much. I was so afraid.
Working Girl: No problem but afraid of what?
Woman: Well the manager had said that it was taking longer than expected and I thought that maybe the pictures had gotten misplaced and no one wanted to tell me that. I don't know what I would have done if I lost any of these pictures.
Working Girl: They are very nice pictures. And each of your calendars seem to have a central theme surrounding this guy.
Woman: Oh that's my son. It's been so hard and I thought that maybe these calendars would be good to give to the family to help us grieve. These are the pictures of what and who he truly was. Not what he became and not what people think they knew about him.
I had done hundreds of calendars at that point and not once did I ever truly look at them. I of course checked them for quality control but I never thought about the contents. It dawned on me that this woman had just lost her son. The boy who had been killed months earlier who I knew nothing about and was told that he was a suburban gangster who "got what he deserved," was her son. He was someones son. He was someones brother. He was someones friend.
I spent the next 30 minutes talking to this woman about her son. I got to know him without ever meeting him and my opinion was changed about him. It is rare that an interaction that I have at work resonates with me for years afterwards.
I'll never forget that conversation and the opinions I had after it. I'll especially remember when she told me "I wish my son could've met you. You're working and going to school and he was getting his life on track to do the same." I often think about this woman and her family and hope that time has helped to heal that wound.
I've grown up in a small Bay Area town. People who are from the Bay Area don't know about this town. It is a very quiet and safe place where you almost beg for something interesting and newsworthy to happen. Unfortunately not all news is good news and when my town is hit with bad news, everyones world is rocked. You would think that living so close to America's third most dangerous city, the citizens of the town wouldn't blink when they hear about another senseless murder. It's different when it happens in our town, no one believes it should happen in our town.
There was a murder of a boy my age a few years ago. There are a lot of stories surrounding his death but the gist of it is that it was over a girl. I didn't know the boy personally but from my knowledge he was a white guy who was greatly influenced by Hip-Hop culture in regards to the way he spoke and dressed. He was apparently killed over an argument with a guy who was dating a girl he liked. The only thing I heard about it was summed up with a simple phrase; If you pretend to be a gangster, you'll get gangster consequences.
Because I didn't know him I wasn't really effected by it, it was definitely sad but I was still getting up to work and go to school every day. It finally became real to me during December 2008.
The copy station at the office supply store made calendars during the holiday season. It was always a big hit and a great, easy Christmas gift. Due to the fact that they were so popular we always were busy. Though business was good, organization wasn't. People were getting their calendars randomly. Some people waited 2 days and some people waited 2 weeks. My manager was really stressed out about it and most of her stress came from one customer. This woman wanted three separate calendars made and 2 copies of each calendar. She had been waiting and stressing. My manager finally finished making the calendars only to find that they were made for the wrong year. This made the customer wait even longer and made her extremely upset.
My manager got off work and I was left to fix the calendar. That same day, the customer came in. She was very nice but visibly stressed out. She had been waiting for the calendars for three weeks and therefore her family pictures, the only pictures she had, were in our hands.
Side Note: To make a calendar, we needed pictures. It's easier to make a calendar when the pictures are all digital and come on a flash drive but the best calendars are always real pictures that have to be scanned and therefore, have to be left with us. Leaving precious family mementos with strangers can be stressful for anyone.
Woman: I came to check on my calendars.
Working Girl: I am almost done. I am just binding them now.
Woman: Okay. Do you mind if I wait here?
Working Girl: Not at all.
She waits for another five minutes for me to finish up. I finish and bring the calendars and her pictures over to her. She immediately becomes emotional.
Woman (with a knot in her throat): They are beautiful. Thank you so much. I was so afraid.
Working Girl: No problem but afraid of what?
Woman: Well the manager had said that it was taking longer than expected and I thought that maybe the pictures had gotten misplaced and no one wanted to tell me that. I don't know what I would have done if I lost any of these pictures.
Working Girl: They are very nice pictures. And each of your calendars seem to have a central theme surrounding this guy.
Woman: Oh that's my son. It's been so hard and I thought that maybe these calendars would be good to give to the family to help us grieve. These are the pictures of what and who he truly was. Not what he became and not what people think they knew about him.
I had done hundreds of calendars at that point and not once did I ever truly look at them. I of course checked them for quality control but I never thought about the contents. It dawned on me that this woman had just lost her son. The boy who had been killed months earlier who I knew nothing about and was told that he was a suburban gangster who "got what he deserved," was her son. He was someones son. He was someones brother. He was someones friend.
I spent the next 30 minutes talking to this woman about her son. I got to know him without ever meeting him and my opinion was changed about him. It is rare that an interaction that I have at work resonates with me for years afterwards.
I'll never forget that conversation and the opinions I had after it. I'll especially remember when she told me "I wish my son could've met you. You're working and going to school and he was getting his life on track to do the same." I often think about this woman and her family and hope that time has helped to heal that wound.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
No Romance Package
This past Valentine's Day I was speaking to a few people about a Romance Package that we offer at the hotel. The Romance Package included wine and candy in a room with a jacuzzi. It is only a few dollars more than a regular room so I always thought it was a good deal.
I was a pro at selling romance packages. I got it down to a science. Whenever a man was dumb enough to bring his girlfriend into the hotel to get a room I would ask if they were interested in a Romance Package. If the guy was alone I know he would say no, but when his girlfriend is with him he almost has no choice.
Working Girl: I do have a king bed suite available at $129. For just $10 more you can get a Romance Package which includes wine, candy and a room with a Jacuzzi.
HornDog: Uh, no thanks. We're not interested.
LadyFriend: Not interested? I'm interested!
HornDog: Babe, we don't need that. We're not here for that.
LadyFriend: Well if you don't get a Romance Package we're going to be here for NOTHING.
HornDog (to me): Okay, we can upgrade to that Package.
I was selling about three of those a month. I worked the supreme banging hours so I perfected my skills in not only cock blocking but also in being a wing woman. You are definitely getting some lovin' if you spring for a Romance Package. I never had a guy say no to me when his girlfriend was with him. I'm pretty proud of that.
The best story regarding Romance Packages was Valentine's Day 2010. It is extremely easy to sell a Romance Package on Valentine's Day no matter what day of the week it is. This young guy took the initiative to get a Romance Package after reading about it online. He and his girlfriend came in, checked in, went to their room and left soon after to grab some Valentine's Day necessities. They were the first people I checked in that day at 2:45pm.
At 3:30, an older couple walked in looking for a room. Due to the fact that it was Valentine's Day I mentioned we had a Romance Package.
Working Girl: Would you like to upgrade for $10 more to a suite that includes a Romance Package?
Woman: What's that?
Working Girl: A Romance Package comes with wine and candy along with a Jacuzzi in a king bed suite.
Woman (to her husband): Oh Honey that sounds fun. Let's do that!
Husband: Oh why the heck not? Sure. We'll take it.
They got checked in, got their romance package and went to their room. It was pretty quiet for a bit until around 5pm. The young couple was coming in from the parking lot, being very affectionate towards one another, when the older couple was coming around the corner giggling because they had gone straight to drinking their wine.
Young Girlfriend: MOM!? DAD!?
Woman a.k.a Mom: Oh! Hey Stacy! What are you doing here?
Young Girlfriend: Well...I...
Husband a.k.a Dad: Who is this with you?
Young Guy: Hello Sir, I'm Carlos. I'm Stacy's boyfriend.
Woman a.k.a. Mom: Oh! Stacy didn't tell us she had a boyfriend...
Husband a.k.a. Dad (not happily): ...That she was staying in a hotel with.
During this time Carlos is holding Stacy up so that her knees don't buckle from embarrassment. Apparently the apple doesn't fall far from the tree because Stacy and Carlos are just as secretive as Stacy's parents. Neither of them knew that they were going to be sneaking off to a hotel room and as a bonus Stacy's parents didn't know anything about her surprisingly tan boyfriend Carlos of whom she planned on spending a romantic night with in a hotel room.
As I stood at the front desk with my mouth wide open, the story got even better...
Woman a.k.a. Mom: You guys are staying here? What room?
Stacy: Um, 103.
Woman a.k.a. Mom: Well what a coincidence because we are in 101. That's right next door! Ha!
THEY BOTH HAD ROMANCE PACKAGES AND THEY WERE SHARING A WALL! My night could not have gotten any better. After the awkward moment and when the parents went to get dinner, Stacy asked me if they could switch rooms.
Working Girl: Unfortunately, I am 100% sold out. Your parents got our very last room.
I don't know if Stacy and Carlos actually got the chance to enjoy their Valentine's Day like any other young couple, but I do know that it was my best Valentine's day yet.
I was a pro at selling romance packages. I got it down to a science. Whenever a man was dumb enough to bring his girlfriend into the hotel to get a room I would ask if they were interested in a Romance Package. If the guy was alone I know he would say no, but when his girlfriend is with him he almost has no choice.
Working Girl: I do have a king bed suite available at $129. For just $10 more you can get a Romance Package which includes wine, candy and a room with a Jacuzzi.
HornDog: Uh, no thanks. We're not interested.
LadyFriend: Not interested? I'm interested!
HornDog: Babe, we don't need that. We're not here for that.
LadyFriend: Well if you don't get a Romance Package we're going to be here for NOTHING.
HornDog (to me): Okay, we can upgrade to that Package.
I was selling about three of those a month. I worked the supreme banging hours so I perfected my skills in not only cock blocking but also in being a wing woman. You are definitely getting some lovin' if you spring for a Romance Package. I never had a guy say no to me when his girlfriend was with him. I'm pretty proud of that.
The best story regarding Romance Packages was Valentine's Day 2010. It is extremely easy to sell a Romance Package on Valentine's Day no matter what day of the week it is. This young guy took the initiative to get a Romance Package after reading about it online. He and his girlfriend came in, checked in, went to their room and left soon after to grab some Valentine's Day necessities. They were the first people I checked in that day at 2:45pm.
At 3:30, an older couple walked in looking for a room. Due to the fact that it was Valentine's Day I mentioned we had a Romance Package.
Working Girl: Would you like to upgrade for $10 more to a suite that includes a Romance Package?
Woman: What's that?
Working Girl: A Romance Package comes with wine and candy along with a Jacuzzi in a king bed suite.
Woman (to her husband): Oh Honey that sounds fun. Let's do that!
Husband: Oh why the heck not? Sure. We'll take it.
They got checked in, got their romance package and went to their room. It was pretty quiet for a bit until around 5pm. The young couple was coming in from the parking lot, being very affectionate towards one another, when the older couple was coming around the corner giggling because they had gone straight to drinking their wine.
Young Girlfriend: MOM!? DAD!?
Woman a.k.a Mom: Oh! Hey Stacy! What are you doing here?
Young Girlfriend: Well...I...
Husband a.k.a Dad: Who is this with you?
Young Guy: Hello Sir, I'm Carlos. I'm Stacy's boyfriend.
Woman a.k.a. Mom: Oh! Stacy didn't tell us she had a boyfriend...
Husband a.k.a. Dad (not happily): ...That she was staying in a hotel with.
During this time Carlos is holding Stacy up so that her knees don't buckle from embarrassment. Apparently the apple doesn't fall far from the tree because Stacy and Carlos are just as secretive as Stacy's parents. Neither of them knew that they were going to be sneaking off to a hotel room and as a bonus Stacy's parents didn't know anything about her surprisingly tan boyfriend Carlos of whom she planned on spending a romantic night with in a hotel room.
As I stood at the front desk with my mouth wide open, the story got even better...
Woman a.k.a. Mom: You guys are staying here? What room?
Stacy: Um, 103.
Woman a.k.a. Mom: Well what a coincidence because we are in 101. That's right next door! Ha!
THEY BOTH HAD ROMANCE PACKAGES AND THEY WERE SHARING A WALL! My night could not have gotten any better. After the awkward moment and when the parents went to get dinner, Stacy asked me if they could switch rooms.
Working Girl: Unfortunately, I am 100% sold out. Your parents got our very last room.
I don't know if Stacy and Carlos actually got the chance to enjoy their Valentine's Day like any other young couple, but I do know that it was my best Valentine's day yet.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Celebrity "Encounters"
Having run-ins with celebrities was never expected from any of my jobs. It's pretty cool when it happens because it doesn't happen very often. At the end of the day we had to remember that we live in the Bay Area in which there are major sports teams, concert venues and a major tourist city so you are bound to run into a few people who have had their name in lights.
Something else that I've realized is that though they are technically famous, they have to run errands like everyone else which means they have to leave their house. I personally wish that I had more run ins with athletes because not only do I love sports but it would make a lot of sense. The Oakland Raiders and the Golden State Warriors opponents often stay in hotels in San Francisco and many of the players live there as well which is absolutely illogical. The Oakland Raiders practice facility is not in San Francisco, the Golden State Warriors practice facility is not in San Francisco and there is constant traffic going to and from San Francisco. Why put yourself through that? Why make a 30 minute trek when you can make a 10 minute one? I never understand it. I know teams fly into San Francisco Airport but staying in SF is more out of the way then all the places they need to be at during their time in the Bay Area.
Either way, one would think that I have seen plenty of famous people because I live in the Bay Area which is just not the case. The fact that I haven't gotten to rub elbows with the rich and famous on a consistent basis, it makes these stories even more memorable.
Potential Football Player/ Potential Husband
When I worked at the office supply store a guy would come in to get prints. He was tall, muscular and extremely good looking. He was a really nice, normal guy who could've taken up modeling as opposed to football. He was going through training camp for the Oakland Raiders. He came into the store a lot and every single time I stopped in my tracks. I know he never got to play for the Raiders (due to being cut just before the season started) but I acted like he was a 10 year veteran. It was really cool to be around someone who was so close to being on my favorite football team. He wasn't truly a celebrity but the way my eyes turned into hearts, similar to that of a cartoon character, you would've thought his posters were plastered on my bedroom walls.
Hip-Hop Legend
A rapper came into the hotel and booked a room. The entire time I'm thinking "Is that?... It looks like... But it can't be... Maybe I'm... Wouldn't his ID?" Apparently during that time I thought that your rap name had to be on your drivers license. He went to the room and shortly after came his wife.
Working Girl: Excuse me, um is that [Hip-Hop Legend]
Wife: Larry? Yes. That is. He's my husband. Are you a fan?
Working Girl: Who isn't? Wow. That's really cool.
Wife: I'll be right back.
Then she goes to the car and brings me his newest CD.
Wife: If you're here when we get back I'll make sure to have him sign it for you.
They left soon after that because he had a show in Oakland and they were headed to sound check. For the first time I was unhappy to leave work. I never got the autograph but I do have the CD. I was actually able to not only check in a Hip-Hop Legend but I got to talk to him, meet his wife and I got a little gift. It was a cool day.
Mr. Football and his personal cheerleader
This happened very recently. My friend/front desk agent, Banana, text me and told me that a football player had checked into the hotel; one from our favorite team and we immediately started freaking out. This was our text conversation:
Banana: So Oakland Raiders [Wide Receiver] just checked in. Kinda cool. I'm not all celebrity struck but he's a RAIDER!
Working Girl: That's weird! Copy that reg card!! Did you tell him you're a Raider fan? GET US SOME TICKETS!
Banana: He seemed super chill. I should've just been like 'I love you! You're awesome' but I was trying so hard to play it cool...I was soooo blushing.
Working Girl: Hahahaha! Own that shit! Chat him up when he comes out.
Banana: Hahahahahaha! He hella just walked right out...I'm like waiting for him to come back but I think he might have just paid for the room because once he left some female walked in that I haven't seen yet.
Working Girl: Dammmmmmmit! His mistress!!!!
That's when it dawned on us that Mr. Football was no different than any of our other guests who are here to house their hos. He just had a more famous name. But maybe that wasn't the case at all. Maybe he saw a homeless woman and thought to put her in a hotel for the night and... who am I kidding?
Time To Go
This is one of my favorite stories. One Saturday I was working and really early on into my shift a very handsome guy comes up to me.
Handsome Face: Hello
Working Girl: Hey There.
Handsome Face: Do y'all have any rooms?
Working Girl: Sure. One bed or two.
Handsome Face: Two. It's for these tattoo artists from Atlanta.
Working Girl: That's cool.
Handsome Face: You know Golden State Warriors [Shooting Guard].
Working Girl: Yeah.
Handsome Face: Well he's real tatted up, right? When he played in Atlanta he really liked this tattoo artist so he flies him in whenever he needs a new tattoo. I'm his cousin/assistant.
I had to pause. This guy was "shooting guard"s cousin. He is one of the ugliest players in the league and this beautiful looking man claims that they are related, I was more interested in that than the actual player.
I give the guy the room keys and he left. A few hours later the tattoo artist and his assistant come in. They go upstairs and come back down shortly afterwards.
Artist: So I'm here to tattoo [Shooting Guard]
Working Girl: So I've heard.
Artist: Yeah, I tattoo a lot of celebrities.
Working Girl: I bet.
Artist: Ballers, Rappers, anyone you can think of with a tattoo probably has one of my pieces on them.
Working Girl: Cool Beans.
After seeing how unimpressed an uninterested I was, they went back up to their room. Then an all black Range Rover pulls up and a very tall and very large man gets out. He walks up to the front desk and with the deepest voice I've ever heard he says "It's time to go."
Working Girl: What? It's time to go? Am I going too? I can go, that's not a problem, I just have to call some people first. Do I have enough time to get my stuff? I don't really need ALL of it but I think my wallet and cell phone should come in handy. Unless you're paying I don't really need to get my wallet but I can for like cab fare home or something. Should I change clothes? Is my uniform okay or are we going to stop at Target or something. I'm cool if you're cool but I do need a heads up...
His dead stare and my awkward rambling stopped when the tattoo artist and his assistant came out of the elevator with their equipment and said to me "I guess it's time to go."
They walked out and I watched them all get into the Range Rover. The back tinted window was down a bit when I saw shooting guard. We locked eyes and he gave me a "what's up" head nod then the car peeled away. The whole situation was so unnecessarily 'Hollywood' that not only was I confused but I was also willing to hop in a car with complete strangers.
Something else that I've realized is that though they are technically famous, they have to run errands like everyone else which means they have to leave their house. I personally wish that I had more run ins with athletes because not only do I love sports but it would make a lot of sense. The Oakland Raiders and the Golden State Warriors opponents often stay in hotels in San Francisco and many of the players live there as well which is absolutely illogical. The Oakland Raiders practice facility is not in San Francisco, the Golden State Warriors practice facility is not in San Francisco and there is constant traffic going to and from San Francisco. Why put yourself through that? Why make a 30 minute trek when you can make a 10 minute one? I never understand it. I know teams fly into San Francisco Airport but staying in SF is more out of the way then all the places they need to be at during their time in the Bay Area.
Either way, one would think that I have seen plenty of famous people because I live in the Bay Area which is just not the case. The fact that I haven't gotten to rub elbows with the rich and famous on a consistent basis, it makes these stories even more memorable.
Potential Football Player/ Potential Husband
When I worked at the office supply store a guy would come in to get prints. He was tall, muscular and extremely good looking. He was a really nice, normal guy who could've taken up modeling as opposed to football. He was going through training camp for the Oakland Raiders. He came into the store a lot and every single time I stopped in my tracks. I know he never got to play for the Raiders (due to being cut just before the season started) but I acted like he was a 10 year veteran. It was really cool to be around someone who was so close to being on my favorite football team. He wasn't truly a celebrity but the way my eyes turned into hearts, similar to that of a cartoon character, you would've thought his posters were plastered on my bedroom walls.
Hip-Hop Legend
A rapper came into the hotel and booked a room. The entire time I'm thinking "Is that?... It looks like... But it can't be... Maybe I'm... Wouldn't his ID?" Apparently during that time I thought that your rap name had to be on your drivers license. He went to the room and shortly after came his wife.
Working Girl: Excuse me, um is that [Hip-Hop Legend]
Wife: Larry? Yes. That is. He's my husband. Are you a fan?
Working Girl: Who isn't? Wow. That's really cool.
Wife: I'll be right back.
Then she goes to the car and brings me his newest CD.
Wife: If you're here when we get back I'll make sure to have him sign it for you.
They left soon after that because he had a show in Oakland and they were headed to sound check. For the first time I was unhappy to leave work. I never got the autograph but I do have the CD. I was actually able to not only check in a Hip-Hop Legend but I got to talk to him, meet his wife and I got a little gift. It was a cool day.
Mr. Football and his personal cheerleader
This happened very recently. My friend/front desk agent, Banana, text me and told me that a football player had checked into the hotel; one from our favorite team and we immediately started freaking out. This was our text conversation:
Banana: So Oakland Raiders [Wide Receiver] just checked in. Kinda cool. I'm not all celebrity struck but he's a RAIDER!
Working Girl: That's weird! Copy that reg card!! Did you tell him you're a Raider fan? GET US SOME TICKETS!
Banana: He seemed super chill. I should've just been like 'I love you! You're awesome' but I was trying so hard to play it cool...I was soooo blushing.
Working Girl: Hahahaha! Own that shit! Chat him up when he comes out.
Banana: Hahahahahaha! He hella just walked right out...I'm like waiting for him to come back but I think he might have just paid for the room because once he left some female walked in that I haven't seen yet.
Working Girl: Dammmmmmmit! His mistress!!!!
That's when it dawned on us that Mr. Football was no different than any of our other guests who are here to house their hos. He just had a more famous name. But maybe that wasn't the case at all. Maybe he saw a homeless woman and thought to put her in a hotel for the night and... who am I kidding?
Time To Go
This is one of my favorite stories. One Saturday I was working and really early on into my shift a very handsome guy comes up to me.
Handsome Face: Hello
Working Girl: Hey There.
Handsome Face: Do y'all have any rooms?
Working Girl: Sure. One bed or two.
Handsome Face: Two. It's for these tattoo artists from Atlanta.
Working Girl: That's cool.
Handsome Face: You know Golden State Warriors [Shooting Guard].
Working Girl: Yeah.
Handsome Face: Well he's real tatted up, right? When he played in Atlanta he really liked this tattoo artist so he flies him in whenever he needs a new tattoo. I'm his cousin/assistant.
I had to pause. This guy was "shooting guard"s cousin. He is one of the ugliest players in the league and this beautiful looking man claims that they are related, I was more interested in that than the actual player.
I give the guy the room keys and he left. A few hours later the tattoo artist and his assistant come in. They go upstairs and come back down shortly afterwards.
Artist: So I'm here to tattoo [Shooting Guard]
Working Girl: So I've heard.
Artist: Yeah, I tattoo a lot of celebrities.
Working Girl: I bet.
Artist: Ballers, Rappers, anyone you can think of with a tattoo probably has one of my pieces on them.
Working Girl: Cool Beans.
After seeing how unimpressed an uninterested I was, they went back up to their room. Then an all black Range Rover pulls up and a very tall and very large man gets out. He walks up to the front desk and with the deepest voice I've ever heard he says "It's time to go."
Working Girl: What? It's time to go? Am I going too? I can go, that's not a problem, I just have to call some people first. Do I have enough time to get my stuff? I don't really need ALL of it but I think my wallet and cell phone should come in handy. Unless you're paying I don't really need to get my wallet but I can for like cab fare home or something. Should I change clothes? Is my uniform okay or are we going to stop at Target or something. I'm cool if you're cool but I do need a heads up...
His dead stare and my awkward rambling stopped when the tattoo artist and his assistant came out of the elevator with their equipment and said to me "I guess it's time to go."
They walked out and I watched them all get into the Range Rover. The back tinted window was down a bit when I saw shooting guard. We locked eyes and he gave me a "what's up" head nod then the car peeled away. The whole situation was so unnecessarily 'Hollywood' that not only was I confused but I was also willing to hop in a car with complete strangers.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Alive and Well
This incident always made me giggle. When I worked at the copy center we had to up-sell. Up-sell, up-sell, up-sell. If you don't know what up-sell is let me give you a basic description:
"Would you like that Super-Sized?" It's when you try to push the customer to buy something extra or upgrade their purchase because you're forced to.
At the copy center an "up-sell" was showing all the different things we could do. For example, if you ordered business cards, we were supposed to take one of those business cards and make it into a magnet. This just shows that there is so much more that we could do that you may not have known about.
Our manager, Jazzy, wanted every order to have an up-sell gift. We would take every order and give them free address labels or color prints. I loved to up-sell because I love to be creative. Working at the copy center helped me to master all of the different Adobe software programs. Those programs helped me to up-sell.
I had to print out a poster of a smiling woman on a large canvas. It was a simple job but I needed a way to up-sell. I had the brilliant idea to take the picture of this happy woman and place her in front of a beach backdrop to make post cards. I placed her on the beach with a smile and sunglasses against the words "Wish You Were Here..."
The postcards were beautiful and I was very proud of them. The customer came to pick up the print and I had to explain the up-sell.
Working Girl: Your print is all done.
Customer: Thanks. It looks beautiful.
Working Girl: We can also do other types of services just in case you wondering. For example I made you up some postcards. I placed her in a beautiful beach with sunglasses. These postcards are yours to keep but if you are ever interested in something else we can definitely do it.
Customer: Uh, thanks. This is nice but I don't think I'll need it.
Working Girl: Oh it's free to keep. It's just an example of what we can do here. You could hand out the post cards to people to show them what we can do.
Customer: The postcards are very nice and I appreciate them it's just that...this poster is for my grandmother's funeral.
There was a look of complete shock on my face. I "Weekend At Bernie's"-ed this guy's grandmother. I put sunglasses on her, I put her on a beach and I gave her the thought of "Wish You Were Here" from beyond the grave. I was so embarrassed. I was just trying to up-sell, I wasn't trying to offend anyone especially not in his time of grief.
I apologized numerous times and it actually put a smile on his face. He said it was no big deal and there's no way I could've known that the picture he gave me was of his dead grandmother. The story makes me laugh now because I can't believe it happened but if I was able to at least make that guy (and hopefully the rest of his family) smile during that difficult time, then I did my job....just in a really messed up way.
"Would you like that Super-Sized?" It's when you try to push the customer to buy something extra or upgrade their purchase because you're forced to.
At the copy center an "up-sell" was showing all the different things we could do. For example, if you ordered business cards, we were supposed to take one of those business cards and make it into a magnet. This just shows that there is so much more that we could do that you may not have known about.
Our manager, Jazzy, wanted every order to have an up-sell gift. We would take every order and give them free address labels or color prints. I loved to up-sell because I love to be creative. Working at the copy center helped me to master all of the different Adobe software programs. Those programs helped me to up-sell.
I had to print out a poster of a smiling woman on a large canvas. It was a simple job but I needed a way to up-sell. I had the brilliant idea to take the picture of this happy woman and place her in front of a beach backdrop to make post cards. I placed her on the beach with a smile and sunglasses against the words "Wish You Were Here..."
The postcards were beautiful and I was very proud of them. The customer came to pick up the print and I had to explain the up-sell.
Working Girl: Your print is all done.
Customer: Thanks. It looks beautiful.
Working Girl: We can also do other types of services just in case you wondering. For example I made you up some postcards. I placed her in a beautiful beach with sunglasses. These postcards are yours to keep but if you are ever interested in something else we can definitely do it.
Customer: Uh, thanks. This is nice but I don't think I'll need it.
Working Girl: Oh it's free to keep. It's just an example of what we can do here. You could hand out the post cards to people to show them what we can do.
Customer: The postcards are very nice and I appreciate them it's just that...this poster is for my grandmother's funeral.
There was a look of complete shock on my face. I "Weekend At Bernie's"-ed this guy's grandmother. I put sunglasses on her, I put her on a beach and I gave her the thought of "Wish You Were Here" from beyond the grave. I was so embarrassed. I was just trying to up-sell, I wasn't trying to offend anyone especially not in his time of grief.
I apologized numerous times and it actually put a smile on his face. He said it was no big deal and there's no way I could've known that the picture he gave me was of his dead grandmother. The story makes me laugh now because I can't believe it happened but if I was able to at least make that guy (and hopefully the rest of his family) smile during that difficult time, then I did my job....just in a really messed up way.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Yearbook
When I was in high school I was on the yearbook staff. This wasn't paid work but the fact that we had to make our shitty high school look at least decent was definitely hard work. Yearbook was actually the only class I truly enjoyed during my senior year. I got to design pages, write stories and hang out with people who I never really got the chance to hang out with before.
The people on the yearbook staff were characters themselves, it was almost like a comedy club, everyday we would all leave with tears in our eyes. I hung out with a core group of hilarious people and what made us all so funny was our ability to shit talk.
If you haven't learned, I'm a fan of shit talking. I don't bully people but shit talking is a blast, that is what we did. There was one day that was more memorable than the rest: Baby Photo Day.
The creators of the Baby Photo page were Necia, Ralph and Serena and they were the ones who gathered the baby pictures of the participating seniors and created the layout for that specific page. They also happened to be some of the funniest people in the class. The three of them and a handful of the rest of us took a look at our classmates precious baby photos.
The photo of our classmate alone in a park holding a single balloon...
Banana: Sup with Egore's balloon? Is no one going to ask why this is happening? Why is he alone in a park? I'm confused
The black and white, crumpled photo of a classmate...
Necia: What kind of concentration camp photo is this?
The photo of one of our classmates in a half shirt...
Ralph: See, she was a Ho back then.
The blurry photo of another female classmate...
Zeus: I think that sign back there says "Welcome to America."
The photo of a girl in our class who looked exactly like she did at 17 as she did at 5...
Serena: Was that photo taken yesterday? This is not a baby picture.
Then I brought out a photo given to me by a friend of mine for a classmate of hers.
Working Girl: Oh! I almost forgot, someone gave me this photo to add to the baby pics.
Necia: Who is this?
Working Girl: I have no idea. Her name is on the back.
Necia: Jan...Jan who?
Working Girl (laughing): Necia I have no idea. The picture was given to me by someone who knows this girl. I can only assume she goes to this school.
Necia: She don't go here. Nope! Not happening, she will not be in this yearbook.
We had plenty of hilarious days in yearbook and plenty of hilarious quotes. Being on that staff only reinforced the idea that I wanted to be a writer. I figured that if being on a staff of creative people can be half as much fun as our yearbook staff. I would forever love my job.
Special thanks to Necia, Ralph, Serena, Star Jones, Banana, Zeus, F-Cup and everyone else on the yearbook staff for being just as mean and hilarious as I am.
The people on the yearbook staff were characters themselves, it was almost like a comedy club, everyday we would all leave with tears in our eyes. I hung out with a core group of hilarious people and what made us all so funny was our ability to shit talk.
If you haven't learned, I'm a fan of shit talking. I don't bully people but shit talking is a blast, that is what we did. There was one day that was more memorable than the rest: Baby Photo Day.
The creators of the Baby Photo page were Necia, Ralph and Serena and they were the ones who gathered the baby pictures of the participating seniors and created the layout for that specific page. They also happened to be some of the funniest people in the class. The three of them and a handful of the rest of us took a look at our classmates precious baby photos.
The photo of our classmate alone in a park holding a single balloon...
Banana: Sup with Egore's balloon? Is no one going to ask why this is happening? Why is he alone in a park? I'm confused
The black and white, crumpled photo of a classmate...
Necia: What kind of concentration camp photo is this?
The photo of one of our classmates in a half shirt...
Ralph: See, she was a Ho back then.
The blurry photo of another female classmate...
Zeus: I think that sign back there says "Welcome to America."
The photo of a girl in our class who looked exactly like she did at 17 as she did at 5...
Serena: Was that photo taken yesterday? This is not a baby picture.
Then I brought out a photo given to me by a friend of mine for a classmate of hers.
Working Girl: Oh! I almost forgot, someone gave me this photo to add to the baby pics.
Necia: Who is this?
Working Girl: I have no idea. Her name is on the back.
Necia: Jan...Jan who?
Working Girl (laughing): Necia I have no idea. The picture was given to me by someone who knows this girl. I can only assume she goes to this school.
Necia: She don't go here. Nope! Not happening, she will not be in this yearbook.
We had plenty of hilarious days in yearbook and plenty of hilarious quotes. Being on that staff only reinforced the idea that I wanted to be a writer. I figured that if being on a staff of creative people can be half as much fun as our yearbook staff. I would forever love my job.
Special thanks to Necia, Ralph, Serena, Star Jones, Banana, Zeus, F-Cup and everyone else on the yearbook staff for being just as mean and hilarious as I am.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Tani Gold: Why Are You Such a Bitch? Pt. 3
Me! Me! Me! Bitch!
If you haven't quite figured it out yet, Tani was attention hungry. Everything she did was for attention. From crying to pouting to trying to meet strangers online. The first time I met Tani she let me in on her life and basically why she was so screwed up. Tani was the "red-headed stepchild" in a sense. She and her sister would compete for her mother's attention and Tani always got the short end of the stick. Though Tani loved her family, she didn't get along with them so she would be the one to go off and do things that confused the rest of the Gold clan.
I realized that Tani had attention problems when she came in on her day off to hand out birthday party invitations. Tani worked four days a week, there was no reason for her to come in on her day off to hand them out unless she was trying to rub something in someones face; that someone was me. Tani came in and gave a birthday party invitation to everyone at the hotel except me. This included the housekeeping staff that hated her and that she hated. After she got done handing out the invitations like it was the third grade, she then came to gloat at the front desk.
Tani: It's gonna be so much fun. It's a themed birthday party and there will be a bounce house. You know you are so jealous and you want to go.
Working Girl: Both you and bounce houses make me sick. I'm good.
Tani: Oh whatever. It's gonna be a blast.
Tani did this type of shit constantly. Anything to help her get attention she was okay with. She once told the staff that she was a newlywed because after boozing it up one night, she got married to her gay best friend. She claimed that they were just having fun but stayed married in order to receive benefits. She boasted about it and constantly referred to him as "my husband" because she wanted everyone to talk about her...even if it was all negative.
Bitch why do you have to look like that, Bitch?
I personally am not one to judge based on someones appearance but it's difficult not to when dealing with Tani. Tani's look confused us all. Let's break it down from top to bottom:
Head
Tani wore a weave. A bad weave. A nasty, ratted weave that she put in herself. She never had the money to buy a new weave so she continued to use the same weave over and over until it started to shed. There would be times where we'd come into work and her hair was all over the place. Due to our downtime at work, Tani would apply her weave in the back room, there were thousands of times where she wore a scarf on her head during her shift because she knew that she looked like a train wreck even more than we did. The best quote about her hair came from a coworker:
TT Y'all: Why is her hair looking like that? Her sister's shit was fucked up too. Their mama must be bald.
Body
This is where the "Spongebob Squarepants" nickname came from. She was shaped like a box. She had broad, square shoulders and stick-like arms. She had a massive chest that sat on top of her round beer belly therefore giving the impression that they were molded together to make almost a flat surface. Her back and her ass were similar to the front. She had the type of ass that had a lead in from her back. There was no difference. It was one flat surface. TT Y'all also gave a memorable quote about Tani's body as well.
TT Y'all: That body. Ugh.
Legs
Her legs were skinny. That's all you can really say about them. They were very thin and didn't fit the rest of her body.
Not everyone is a beauty queen and no one should be faulted for that but I do believe that people should take some pride in their appearance, especially in a professional setting. Tani never looked professional. Aside from the rag she wore on her head from time to time, her awkward body shape made her clothes an awkward fit.
Tani had gone on vacation and lost a few pounds. She took the 10 pounds that she lost and considered it to be 100 pounds. When she got back to work she ordered a smaller uniform for her "new body." Just like with any sudden weight loss, she gained it all back and then some. She not only couldn't fit her new uniform, she could no longer fit her old one.
Tani came to relieve me and my mom, who had borrowed my car, was sitting on the couch in the lobby waiting for me to get off work. Tani comes in with a sour look on her face and her shirt, being so small, was rolled up all the way to the middle of her back. She wasn't wearing a shirt underneath her uniform. When my mom saw her come in she couldn't control herself.
Working Girl's Mom: OH HER SHIRT! DAMN!
My mom then had to step outside to control her laughter.
Tani just wasn't a cute girl, nor was she a good person. I guess because of her family relationships, her romantic relationships, her obviously unstable emotional state of being and that that body, ugh, Tani Gold didn't have a choice but to be such a bitch.
Don't think this is the last you'll her of Tani Gold, there is still plenty more to come.
If you haven't quite figured it out yet, Tani was attention hungry. Everything she did was for attention. From crying to pouting to trying to meet strangers online. The first time I met Tani she let me in on her life and basically why she was so screwed up. Tani was the "red-headed stepchild" in a sense. She and her sister would compete for her mother's attention and Tani always got the short end of the stick. Though Tani loved her family, she didn't get along with them so she would be the one to go off and do things that confused the rest of the Gold clan.
I realized that Tani had attention problems when she came in on her day off to hand out birthday party invitations. Tani worked four days a week, there was no reason for her to come in on her day off to hand them out unless she was trying to rub something in someones face; that someone was me. Tani came in and gave a birthday party invitation to everyone at the hotel except me. This included the housekeeping staff that hated her and that she hated. After she got done handing out the invitations like it was the third grade, she then came to gloat at the front desk.
Tani: It's gonna be so much fun. It's a themed birthday party and there will be a bounce house. You know you are so jealous and you want to go.
Working Girl: Both you and bounce houses make me sick. I'm good.
Tani: Oh whatever. It's gonna be a blast.
Tani did this type of shit constantly. Anything to help her get attention she was okay with. She once told the staff that she was a newlywed because after boozing it up one night, she got married to her gay best friend. She claimed that they were just having fun but stayed married in order to receive benefits. She boasted about it and constantly referred to him as "my husband" because she wanted everyone to talk about her...even if it was all negative.
Bitch why do you have to look like that, Bitch?
I personally am not one to judge based on someones appearance but it's difficult not to when dealing with Tani. Tani's look confused us all. Let's break it down from top to bottom:
Head
Tani wore a weave. A bad weave. A nasty, ratted weave that she put in herself. She never had the money to buy a new weave so she continued to use the same weave over and over until it started to shed. There would be times where we'd come into work and her hair was all over the place. Due to our downtime at work, Tani would apply her weave in the back room, there were thousands of times where she wore a scarf on her head during her shift because she knew that she looked like a train wreck even more than we did. The best quote about her hair came from a coworker:
TT Y'all: Why is her hair looking like that? Her sister's shit was fucked up too. Their mama must be bald.
Body
This is where the "Spongebob Squarepants" nickname came from. She was shaped like a box. She had broad, square shoulders and stick-like arms. She had a massive chest that sat on top of her round beer belly therefore giving the impression that they were molded together to make almost a flat surface. Her back and her ass were similar to the front. She had the type of ass that had a lead in from her back. There was no difference. It was one flat surface. TT Y'all also gave a memorable quote about Tani's body as well.
TT Y'all: That body. Ugh.
Legs
Her legs were skinny. That's all you can really say about them. They were very thin and didn't fit the rest of her body.
Not everyone is a beauty queen and no one should be faulted for that but I do believe that people should take some pride in their appearance, especially in a professional setting. Tani never looked professional. Aside from the rag she wore on her head from time to time, her awkward body shape made her clothes an awkward fit.
Tani had gone on vacation and lost a few pounds. She took the 10 pounds that she lost and considered it to be 100 pounds. When she got back to work she ordered a smaller uniform for her "new body." Just like with any sudden weight loss, she gained it all back and then some. She not only couldn't fit her new uniform, she could no longer fit her old one.
Tani came to relieve me and my mom, who had borrowed my car, was sitting on the couch in the lobby waiting for me to get off work. Tani comes in with a sour look on her face and her shirt, being so small, was rolled up all the way to the middle of her back. She wasn't wearing a shirt underneath her uniform. When my mom saw her come in she couldn't control herself.
Working Girl's Mom: OH HER SHIRT! DAMN!
My mom then had to step outside to control her laughter.
Tani just wasn't a cute girl, nor was she a good person. I guess because of her family relationships, her romantic relationships, her obviously unstable emotional state of being and that that body, ugh, Tani Gold didn't have a choice but to be such a bitch.
Don't think this is the last you'll her of Tani Gold, there is still plenty more to come.
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